A blog by: Mulligan Max
In light of every single round of golf you had this year, both good and bad, and for all of the memories that you made on the course this year, we are highlighting some golfer stereotypes that you might have seen. These different golfers could be hiding among your men’s league’s best players or be part of your weekend foursome. We’ve all seen them to some extent, and for some reason these players will always be around.
In this article we highlight: Captain Kindergarten Counter, The Iron Marksman, Excuses Eddie, Rage Against the Machine, and The Texas Hold Em’
Captain Kindergarten Counter
This player has trouble keeping score. Not because they are bad at it, but because they ultimately think that their handicap is much lower than it truly is.
This is the golfer shooting for par half way down the fairway but still thinks that a birdie can be made. This golfer stereotype is the person who won’t hit a provisional after the ball goes swamp bound because “it’ll be alright” or “I can hit it out!” This player also, somehow miraculously, always finds their ball or has the perfect lie to hit from in the woods. How ironic? This player somehow manages to make a “bogey” every hole, and when you call them out on a double, beads of sweaty nervousness start to drip down their forehead.
Golfer 1: Hey what did you get on that last par 3?
Cptn Kindergarten Counter: I made a bogey after that two putt.
Golfer 1: I had you marked down for a double. I thought you were on in 3 and then two putted.
Cptn Kindergarten Counter: No, I was on in two. I hit my 9 to the sand trap, then chipped out to the green. Oh wait…it landed on the fringe…and…ummmm..Oh yeah! I guess I did get a double on that one. Dang Gummit!
The Iron Marksman
Most golfers focus on crushing the ball, working on their short game, or hitting a good sand wedge. This golfer sticks to his irons. This person may not be the best off the tee box, but when it comes to iron shots, can you say flag stick magnet? Their short game inside 10 yards is average and they can putt OK, but put them in the 15 to 170 yard range and watch out! Their swing is down to a science and they have great depth perception on the course. The marksman is usually a modest golfer who puts up scores any average golfer would be jealous of. Confident in most situations, and they just find a way to be one with the ball.
This is the type of player that the scramble coordinator looks for. If you happen to be an iron marksman, well then you are going to be heavily recruited for charity tournaments.
There is a reason that every shot for the Excuses Eddie golfer doesn’t go as planned, and it is never their fault. This golfer is the reason the “Breakfast Ball” was invented. Excuses Eddie makes up the most creative excuses that you’ll ever hear. The 150 yard duff drive is subject to a squirrel who caught their eye right in the middle of a back-swing or a bug flew into their ear. They lipped out a long putt only because your shadow was too close to the ball or there was a pesky pine needle in the way.
This golfer modified the rules so that the lift, clean and place rule can be used on all shots in every cut of grass or hazard. You might even catch this golfer trying to rationalize ball placement from rough to fairway since the ball landed close to the different playing surfaces.
Rage Against the Machine
Each hole is different for this golfer. You get both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. First this person is the happiest most confident person on the course, next shot their 9 iron has a 90 degree bend from hitting it against a tree. This person knows that they are a decent golfer, but thinks that they are better than they actually are…and their anger shows it. They are on the second set of clubs this year and they don’t have a 56 degree in the bag anymore because it ended up at the bottom of the pond between 11 and 12…after a laser beam skull shot hit a rock and bounced OB. Catch this golfer making a 20 footer for birdie though and they are on a all time high.
The Texas Hold Em’
Renowned for their pre-shot routine, this golfer is the reason the club Ranger had a heart attack for yelling six times last week at one four-some. Five practice swings, a 30 second club shake in front of the ball, and 27 head lifts later, that little white ball goes directly where this golfer isn’t aiming. Once the ball settles, this golfer might practice swing twice more just to figure out what went wrong.
Eventually either their score or a bad shot has them irritated and they step up without a routine and put the ball 20 feet to the pin, and everyone in the group looks at each other and just shakes their heads.
You have to admit that you catch these players and a whole plethora of others lurking from course to course. It just makes you laugh at the different home course celebrities you can find. Talk to any course regular and they can name a few of these people.
Regardless of your approach to the game, get out and enjoy yourself. Don’t coop yourself up this winter either. Find an area to keep your swing alive. Also, make sure to keep up with golf and the golf industry through us on Facebook.
There will be more golfer stereotypes to come. Thanks for reading and keeping up with Golf Pipeline.